Stranded Here

 I'm losing my mind and everyone knows why but me. Is this all? I don't know but in time even the blind can see. Running away won't leave much to save. You can't resurrect the dead. You can just till your own grave. Part of me knows that the ending is near and here is the part where I find out that I got stranded here.
 I've lost all control. Where did it go? I just can't see how all of my life I have barely survived, just one step ahead of hypocrisy. Running away won't leave much to save. I can't resurrect the dead, I'll just dig my own grave. Part of me knows that the ending is near and here is the part where I find out that I got stranded here.On and on...on and on and on...on and on...someone save me. I don't believe that you would bring me here then leave me all alone, stranded here.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Conspiracy Theory

 Now I'm exorcising one more demon hiding in between the lines of a sanity and a hell that I can now define. All of these scars that I display so proudly are memories of battles that are left behind me. You can't see me bleeding but you can hear me screaming. I can't get through this grieving so in you I'll stop believing, Until the sun goes down. My mind breaks ground on a brand new conspiracy theory that keeps my world spinning around. In the mirror I see an empty shell of the former me. From the ground up I can't breathe. This might be the end because there is noone here to keep me from me. I fade to grey every time I see my face staring back at me. Asking, "when will I change", and then just staring at me. Demanding I turn the page and then just glaring past me. I'm shouldering all this blame, admitting that I was wrong for all of the things that I've done. All the while, this pain still grasps me. Wondering where I went wrong and then just staring at me. ( how did I end up with song coming out too fast for me?) Now I'll take all of this shame and give it up. No more of these games. I'll shed a tear for my loss then I'm off. Never again. Somebody better stop me...




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Nothing

 So far away. Too grim and so cold. I'm still heard whispering, "to have and to hold...down". Take my hand. This won't take long. This impure thought reminds me that those days are gone. Why do turn your back? Why do you loosen your grip? You set me up to take this fall and then denied my name as once again I start to slip.
 I'm still just touching. Feeling. Blindly holding on to nothing while inside I'm dieing. I'm smiling for you on the outside. Inside I have no place left to hide. You've walked away and now you'll watch me while I bleed, but, where were you when I was broken down on my knees? I'm begging mercy for my sins. You're building up walls that I'm too unhealthy to be let in.
 I'm so alone. Left up here in my mind laying prone. Face down. Need I remind? All of these second glances with no second chances. I'll learn to fly solo. I'm so low. Do you turn your back? Why was I not prepared for this? How is it that I never saw this coming when I'm the one who wrote the script?
 I'm still just touching. Feeling. Blindly holding on to nothing while inside I'm dieing. Still smiling for you on the outside. Inside the white flags are flying high. You've walked away and now you watch on while I bleed, but, where are you now that I'm broken down on my knees? I beg forgiveness for my sins!
 And then there was a peace. A calming of the storm. And then there was no one but you. And if you leave me now...then I'm left with nothing. It would be a lot easier to break this death grip if what I was clinging on to was truly nothing. I'm still begging mercy for my sins and you're still building up walls that I am too unhealthy to be let in.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

An Open Letter To God (stranded here)

 I don't believe that you would me here just to leave me all alone. Without a meaning or a purpose I've no place to call my home. So many miles from all of the places and the faces that need. I sit alone and scream into the air as self inflicted demons feed. I wonder how the hell I got to this point in my life? I'm so full of anger, disappointment, contradiction, hate and sleepless nights. With all of these troubled thoughts that I'm finding, running through my head, I think that sometimes it would be better if instead of life You gave me death. Here I lie awake again, emotions gone astray. With head in hands on bended knee I am broken down. But there must be a way to find that shining star that You have put into my night, to break these chains that keep me bound and kill my willingness to fight. Here I am admitting that I can't do this by myself. I'll take my vanity, my spite, my pride and put them on the shelf. I'll take the answers that I've found and put them out for all to view because I know that somewhere out there someone else is feeling lost and stranded too.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Inside The Sound

 Once again, I am looking out instead of in because I'm losing faith in what I've found. Now and then I feel these thoughts won't ever end till I give up this battle and lose myself inside the sound of these nightmare scenes from train wreck dreams. A clockwork suicide carried out by a drama queen. I've lost my way so please don't come after me. I lost all hope when I couldn't find a silver lining. I'd give anything to carry on without these insecurities. I could carry on with my life and get back to better things.
 I was better off dead than to hear those words that you've never said. Please stop these ringing voices poisoning the thoughts inside my head. Once again I can feel your patience is wearing thin so I'll give up my battle and lose myself inside the sound of nightmare scenes from train wreck dreams. A clockwork suicide carried out by a drama queen. I've lost my way so please don't come after me. I lost all hope and I STILL can't find a silver lining. God, I'd give anything to carry on without these insecurities, carry on with my life and get back to better things.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

A Silent Scream

 I can't hear you unless you're standing close to me and I can't follow until you lead the way. You like to dream, or so it seems, about tomorrow or maybe someday...maybe some day. But I am going nowhere. I can't talk to you when your mouth is open wide and I can't lead you unless you're looking me right in my eyes. A silent scream, or so it seems. I'm waiting for you to say the words, but you can't say those words and I am going nowhere.
 When you criticize you justify every word you say. Like that should make it right? Well that doesn't make it right. You know it all when it comes to me. You are so blind that you can't see that I am going nowhere.
 I can't see you if you hide the way you feel and you can't stop me if you can't tell me why. It's just a dream, or so it seems, if not tomorrow then maybe someday...but when will it be my day. I am going nowhere.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Drawing Flies

 Twisting and turning. Reaching and learning. For these treasures from my past I'm still yearning. Sifting through a cluttered, ancient debris, I'm finding clues of what broke me down and branded me so hollow. Distorted. Twisting. Turning. Completely burning. Down. Dieing.
 Hate is now deserting and fate is now returning. All of these lessons from my past that I'm still learning. Sifting through another catastrophe and mending remnants left of a family tree, so hollow. Distorted. Twisting. Turning. Completely burning. Down and drawing flies.
 It is time to put to rest the shame and guilt of all of my sin and finally allow the healing process to begin. It is time to lay down arms, deconstruct and fully rearrange, so that I can be more welcoming of this long awaited change...and not so hollow and distorted. I'm left twisting, turning and completely burning. I'm down and I'm drawing flies...buried by my pride.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent