Stranded Here

 I'm losing my mind and everyone knows why but me. Is this all? I don't know but in time even the blind can see. Running away won't leave much to save. You can't resurrect the dead. You can just till your own grave. Part of me knows that the ending is near and here is the part where I find out that I got stranded here.
 I've lost all control. Where did it go? I just can't see how all of my life I have barely survived, just one step ahead of hypocrisy. Running away won't leave much to save. I can't resurrect the dead, I'll just dig my own grave. Part of me knows that the ending is near and here is the part where I find out that I got stranded here.On and on...on and on and on...on and on...someone save me. I don't believe that you would bring me here then leave me all alone, stranded here.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Conspiracy Theory

 Now I'm exorcising one more demon hiding in between the lines of a sanity and a hell that I can now define. All of these scars that I display so proudly are memories of battles that are left behind me. You can't see me bleeding but you can hear me screaming. I can't get through this grieving so in you I'll stop believing, Until the sun goes down. My mind breaks ground on a brand new conspiracy theory that keeps my world spinning around. In the mirror I see an empty shell of the former me. From the ground up I can't breathe. This might be the end because there is noone here to keep me from me. I fade to grey every time I see my face staring back at me. Asking, "when will I change", and then just staring at me. Demanding I turn the page and then just glaring past me. I'm shouldering all this blame, admitting that I was wrong for all of the things that I've done. All the while, this pain still grasps me. Wondering where I went wrong and then just staring at me. ( how did I end up with song coming out too fast for me?) Now I'll take all of this shame and give it up. No more of these games. I'll shed a tear for my loss then I'm off. Never again. Somebody better stop me...




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Nothing

 So far away. Too grim and so cold. I'm still heard whispering, "to have and to hold...down". Take my hand. This won't take long. This impure thought reminds me that those days are gone. Why do turn your back? Why do you loosen your grip? You set me up to take this fall and then denied my name as once again I start to slip.
 I'm still just touching. Feeling. Blindly holding on to nothing while inside I'm dieing. I'm smiling for you on the outside. Inside I have no place left to hide. You've walked away and now you'll watch me while I bleed, but, where were you when I was broken down on my knees? I'm begging mercy for my sins. You're building up walls that I'm too unhealthy to be let in.
 I'm so alone. Left up here in my mind laying prone. Face down. Need I remind? All of these second glances with no second chances. I'll learn to fly solo. I'm so low. Do you turn your back? Why was I not prepared for this? How is it that I never saw this coming when I'm the one who wrote the script?
 I'm still just touching. Feeling. Blindly holding on to nothing while inside I'm dieing. Still smiling for you on the outside. Inside the white flags are flying high. You've walked away and now you watch on while I bleed, but, where are you now that I'm broken down on my knees? I beg forgiveness for my sins!
 And then there was a peace. A calming of the storm. And then there was no one but you. And if you leave me now...then I'm left with nothing. It would be a lot easier to break this death grip if what I was clinging on to was truly nothing. I'm still begging mercy for my sins and you're still building up walls that I am too unhealthy to be let in.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

An Open Letter To God (stranded here)

 I don't believe that you would me here just to leave me all alone. Without a meaning or a purpose I've no place to call my home. So many miles from all of the places and the faces that need. I sit alone and scream into the air as self inflicted demons feed. I wonder how the hell I got to this point in my life? I'm so full of anger, disappointment, contradiction, hate and sleepless nights. With all of these troubled thoughts that I'm finding, running through my head, I think that sometimes it would be better if instead of life You gave me death. Here I lie awake again, emotions gone astray. With head in hands on bended knee I am broken down. But there must be a way to find that shining star that You have put into my night, to break these chains that keep me bound and kill my willingness to fight. Here I am admitting that I can't do this by myself. I'll take my vanity, my spite, my pride and put them on the shelf. I'll take the answers that I've found and put them out for all to view because I know that somewhere out there someone else is feeling lost and stranded too.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Inside The Sound

 Once again, I am looking out instead of in because I'm losing faith in what I've found. Now and then I feel these thoughts won't ever end till I give up this battle and lose myself inside the sound of these nightmare scenes from train wreck dreams. A clockwork suicide carried out by a drama queen. I've lost my way so please don't come after me. I lost all hope when I couldn't find a silver lining. I'd give anything to carry on without these insecurities. I could carry on with my life and get back to better things.
 I was better off dead than to hear those words that you've never said. Please stop these ringing voices poisoning the thoughts inside my head. Once again I can feel your patience is wearing thin so I'll give up my battle and lose myself inside the sound of nightmare scenes from train wreck dreams. A clockwork suicide carried out by a drama queen. I've lost my way so please don't come after me. I lost all hope and I STILL can't find a silver lining. God, I'd give anything to carry on without these insecurities, carry on with my life and get back to better things.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

A Silent Scream

 I can't hear you unless you're standing close to me and I can't follow until you lead the way. You like to dream, or so it seems, about tomorrow or maybe someday...maybe some day. But I am going nowhere. I can't talk to you when your mouth is open wide and I can't lead you unless you're looking me right in my eyes. A silent scream, or so it seems. I'm waiting for you to say the words, but you can't say those words and I am going nowhere.
 When you criticize you justify every word you say. Like that should make it right? Well that doesn't make it right. You know it all when it comes to me. You are so blind that you can't see that I am going nowhere.
 I can't see you if you hide the way you feel and you can't stop me if you can't tell me why. It's just a dream, or so it seems, if not tomorrow then maybe someday...but when will it be my day. I am going nowhere.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Drawing Flies

 Twisting and turning. Reaching and learning. For these treasures from my past I'm still yearning. Sifting through a cluttered, ancient debris, I'm finding clues of what broke me down and branded me so hollow. Distorted. Twisting. Turning. Completely burning. Down. Dieing.
 Hate is now deserting and fate is now returning. All of these lessons from my past that I'm still learning. Sifting through another catastrophe and mending remnants left of a family tree, so hollow. Distorted. Twisting. Turning. Completely burning. Down and drawing flies.
 It is time to put to rest the shame and guilt of all of my sin and finally allow the healing process to begin. It is time to lay down arms, deconstruct and fully rearrange, so that I can be more welcoming of this long awaited change...and not so hollow and distorted. I'm left twisting, turning and completely burning. I'm down and I'm drawing flies...buried by my pride.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Swell

 My head won't leave my mind alone but you don't mind so go ahead and leave me by myself. I'll serve out my life sentence in this private cell. (aware and broken) I'll serve out my life sentence isolated in this private hell. Would you be leaving now? Showing how little you believe in me you point your finger and curse these demons. From safe distances now, you can plainly see, that at these distances the difference is that I alone endure the atrophy. Now the lights are going dim and in comes a bitter cold. From places so deep that I cannot tell, and gaining in momentum as I'm growing old, until they're ripping me apart these feelings swell...and swell...and swell.
 My heart can't bare "to have and to hold" now when my hand you won't hold and have I lost the scent of your intoxicating smell? Your taste and touch were burned on my brain as I wallowed, tortured in a self inflicted living hell.
 You're love, for now, I am no longer receiving. So, for now, I believe that I'll be leaving.
 For all the things I've worked so hard to be left in the end with my feelings hardly working...




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

70:20:10 (Hearts and Minds)

 With all of these thoughts open to interpretation, all of my words get scrutinized and taken out of context. Then all of these feelings get trampled on by new transgressions and all of these crimes are forgotten one day into the next until they override, and overtake, (I was overestimated and now I break). And I can't overcome this overbearing and overwhelming need to be somewhere inside of your heart and mind, cause God knows right now I am out of mine. If I could just alter this mentality then explaining myself would become unnecessary.
 With all of these needs I am lashing out and I'm starving for attention. I'm left with all of these feelings that beat my lonely heart into submission. Till I can't overcome this overbearing and overwhelming need to be somewhere inside of your hearts and minds, because God know that lately I've been out of mine. If I could just alter this mentality then repeating myself would become unnecessary.
 I never really wanted this, but, I can't be talked out of it. And now the only question left is, "can you deal with the consequences?"
 I can't get past this need to be somewhere inside of your heart and your mind, God only knows that once again I am out of mine.If I could just alter this mentality then defending myself would become unnecessary and if I keep searching long enough then I am sure that I'll find a better way to occupy my mind. Instead of finding new and better ways of repeating things...I might bury them...before they bury me.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

To Virginia From Arizona

 Let's get right to the point at hand and dispense with these formalities. I'll lay the facts out on the table, unadulterated, for all to see. Deep down inside unvalidated. On the surface I'm cleansed and justified. Take in account all the plotting, planning and scheming. How best laid plans can often go awry when misled. Been bled and left for dead.
 Now I've tried to make it seem inconsequential, and hide in shadow from the sun. Blind to all it's resonant potential until the final chapter was left undone. You were pried away for a task so monumental, just what I'll never know, because you won't come back and finish what you started. Now the inspiration inside you has turned cold.
 So sorry, back to the point at hand, my commissioned manifesto. Take in account the way and rhyme and reason and rest assured that you gave your best, although the evidence would prove contrary. It points out flaws and shortcomings and the various chinks inside our armor, the falling short that keeps us humans being misled. Been bled and left for dead.
 Still I try to make it seem inconsequential as I hide in shadow from the Son. Blind to all it's resonant potential until the final chapter was left undone. You were pried away far a task so monumental, just what I'll never know because you won't come back and finish what you started, and now the motivation inside me has grown old.
 So what part of the pleasure in the process was the pain? Participating or parading? Ponder which of these pertains to past perversions or particular political beliefs. So proudly preying on the praying? Absolution through deceit? I guess that now I'm forced to wear these facts upon my sleeve.




ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

The So Called Shepards

 When you've got to give a little just to get a little something south of in the middle until you reach your fill yet find the hole there deeper still...chasing pills, chasing thrills out on crusades like Don Quixote chasing windmills until the shrill trill that the piper spills begins to make me ill...yet I follow still.
 These so-called gardeners will only reap what other hands have sown, and like pretenders to the throne they grow green with envy. These so-called shepards lead astray the ones that seek out inner peace because they care less for the flock than for their fleece.
 Now don't discount how all around as bodies falter to the ground with head in hands, inside the sound, you'll find that heavy is the head that wears the crown. But, as you reach the final round, measure your ego and the crown. And on this scale the truth is found that, pound for pound, it is not the crown that weighs you down.
 These so-called scholars quote from scripture as if it were their own, and all contenders to that throne, they'll rush to bury. These so-called shepards lead astray the ones that seek out inner peace because they care less for the flock than for their fleece.





ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Hurt People Hurt People

 A childhood myth, that sidewalk cracks hold the key to break a mother's back, but if the issues are only in her head it makes no difference where you tread. On thin ice like broken glass and giving in way too fast. Like all these walking wounded, withering away. She tried to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders and save the day, but life broke her back anyway.
 A childhood missed as sidewalks part is a perfect way to break a father's heart. But if the issues are only in your head it makes no difference what he said. A poisoned well can overflow watching hurt people hurt people. Walking. Wounded and withering away. He tried to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and save the day, and his heart gave out anyway.
 I'm not resposible for the malady in you. I have no insight as to what you'll need to help you pull through. I've got some demons of my own to slay before I try and save the day. But I'll carry the weight of the world on my shoulders for you...so you can walk away.





ASCAP/ A Little To No Talent

Cheer Up Judas

 I don't really care how much you know, right now that's all for show. I only wanted to know how much you care, and in the end if you'll be there. If "built for betrayal" sounds too appalling, well cheer up Judas. This is your calling. As history repeats itself can we find no greater love than this? A public face so comforting and soothing, discreetly killing with a kiss. When "built for betrayal" sounds so appalling, cheer up Judas this is your calling. To climb before the fall and seek strength in solitude. To reveal a masquerade all false skins must be removed...not just ones haunting you. Now, faced with betrayal, the silver stains your hands. But cheer up Judas, it is all part of the plan. Just do your part and play your role. You had no choice so don't hang your head in shame screaming, "my God! What have I done?"




ASCAP / A Little To No Talent